Sunday, November 8, 2015,
Finally, the day was here. The day that I had hoped he'd come on his own, the day that I had put in my calendar as his birthday six months prior, and the day I had just been scheduled for induction at 4 p.m. I'd taken a Benadryl the night before and slept a solid 8 hours, for the first time in months. Even better, when I woke up around 7 a.m., to my surprise, I was having contractions, slightly painful ones, every 5 minutes. I was SO excited! I got in the bath for a little while to see if they would continue (they did) and I did listened to some mp3's from Hypnobirthing which helped me relax and prepare to be relaxed while in a harder labor. The idea there is that pain is more managable when you can stay very relaxed. So so true, but it's hard to do without some help. The contractions stayed steady for a few hours, but were definitely not increasing in intensity. It was our regional conference that day instead of regular church, and my mom had already taken the girls and gotten seats; I decided that I didn't really need to labor at home and might as well pass the time at church and get some blessings. This ended up being kind of stressful and uncomfortable, sitting in plastic chairs in the crowded, noisy primary room, with my kids getting on and off my back and being loud, and trying to get something out of the broadcast. My contractions started slowing to every 7-8 minutes, and labor would end up dragging on all day. They even got down to 10-15 minutes apart, despite us going on a family walk, and me doing some curb walking, and at one point in the afternoon, jumping on the trampoline with the girls. I was feeling a little worried about his head not being in a good position, because labor should have picked up instead of just going on and on and not getting any stronger. Sam rubbed my feet at one point, and I actually fell asleep for a little nap in the afternoon, probably about 30 minutes is all. (Sam said that as soon as I fell asleep, he was convinced that was the end of "labor"). After I woke up, I saw that it was getting closer to 4 p.m., when I was supposed to go into the hospital. I really did not want to labor there, with monitors on me and with a hard tile floor, and without my tub and bed and pillows, etc. So I called the hospital and asked if I could labor at home longer. They told me I could if the midwife, the one on call that day from Dr Guzman's office, gave me the okay. So I called her and she said I could. I'm sure she didn't mind staying at home longer since she was on-call and didn't need to go into the hospital til I got there. Next I got online (www.spinningbabies.com). I had been referring to this website a lot in the last few weeks of my pregnancy, as they have some amazing information about ideal positioning of babies for birth. They had a trick for a stalled labor- it was called the Belly Lift. They claimed that this move often fixed the positioning of a baby and could get my labor going hard like it should. For ten contractions I was supposed to put my hands under my belly and literally lift it about 2 inches for the duration of the contraction, while tucking the pelvis. So I did- and it was very uncomfortable. I didn't enjoy it. During this hour I really just wanted to be alone. I was avoiding all the noise of the the household, and just hiding away in my bedroom, grateful my mom and Sam were handling the kids and the meals. After about an hour of this, or 7 contractions with belly lifts, there was a definite change in my labor, just as they said there would be. My contractions started hurting a lot! Like I couldn't ignore them, but had to start breathing through them. They started creeping closer together (4-5 minutes) and I knew there was probably no turning back now! I got my stuff ready, got back into the bath for a little longer as the contractions started hurting more, and had Sam call his parents over. His dad would stay with the kids and the two moms were coming with me and Sam. The contractions were getting harder and harder and about 3-4 minutes apart now, so I got dressed, took these pictures in between contractions, (the final belly shots!)
and then by 8:30 I was sure that it was time to go. The first indication of that was that I was starting to get nauseated with contractions. That happened to me with Ella's labor and I got to the hospital dilated to a 7. The other thing happening was that I was getting SUPER irritable! I was trying to help get everything finalized before we left, who was going in what car, etc. My mom and Floy were wondering if I should go to the hospital and get checked before they came over. It's only 10 minutes from my house, and with Aria's birth, I got to the hospital at a 6, contractions stalled, and I got the epidural and she wasn't born for about six more hours, at 3 in the morning. So they were probably assuming they'd be there all night. I told them that was fine, but in the next three minutes before we drove off, I changed my mind. The contractions were hurting too much, there wouldn't be any more stalling of labor, and I definitely didn't want them to miss the birth! Since nobody was making decisions fast enough, I ordered them into a separate car and told them to follow us, and ordered Sam to get in and START DRIVING. (See- irritable, I told you.) I rode to the hospital in the front passenger seat, kneeling on the floor. They say that your body will find positions that are best for labor, if you let it. Once you have the epidural, you lose the ability to position yourself in ways that feel best and help the baby come faster and smoother. I knew that once I got to the hospital, I would ask for the epidural. I've always known that. My only chance at a natural birth was to get to the hospital too far along and to be forced to do it naturally. The main reason I don't like epidurals is because they always let me down. Hard. They wear off for me, usually completely, and my first birth with Kalia really taught me the consequences of getting an epidural too early, losing the ability to move around to get better positioning, and also that nothing on this earth hurts more than back labor and forced contractions with the drug Pitocin, and having a worn-off epidural and having to just endure that private hell. That's why I've been dead-set on not being induced or having pitocin. Anyway, I was leaning over lots at home, and leaning over on the drive there, and as you'll soon find out, ended up delivering that way too. We left the house at 8:30 p.m.
Sam drove fast (too fast, the moms weren't able to follow but they found the hospital pretty quick). We went through the emergency room, and my contractions were about 3 minutes apart and hurting something fierce. They told me to wait for a wheelchair (although I told them I did NOT want to sit!) and I had a contraction or two while we waited, and finally my mother-in-law went to the window and said, "She's really laboring, can we get her up there sooner?" Bless her- they had someone start wheeling me up right away (why couldn't I just walk myself up there? I'd been there four times in three weeks and they were expecting me for my "induction" anyway. Oh well.) They took me to my room, at this point it was about 9 p.m. and my nurse came right in. Both moms were there, and we had called Sam's sister Erin (a nurse, and a very good help for going through labor. She's had 5 kids without an epidural and is a great help, much more helpful than Sam or the moms, no offense to any of them.) My nurse asked me if I wanted to change into a gown, and I told her to check me first to see how far along I was. She started going through admission questions, and I was just leaning over the edge of the bed trying to get through contractions. My mom took this picture of me trying to move and work through a contraction that was killer.
My mom texted this pic to the family at 9:05 p.m.
.I didn't know it at the time but my dad responded with this:
"Reminds me of the Savior taking on my pains. You women are more like Jesus than I realized."
This comment really hit me hard when my mom showed it to me later. I had listened to Elder Holland's recent conference talk, many times since he gave it in fact, where he talked about a mother's love, and how closely it parallels the Savior's, and how it is simply divine. He spoke of how the Savior helped us get somewhere we couldn't get on our own, and this is also something mother's do when they give birth. This theme has turned out to be an important one, as this fifth baby has really taken me on a journey to know the Savior better, and I am grateful for my dad's insight with this picture. The love we already feel for the little baby inside us is enough to go through anything to get them here, and I have a better understanding of the Saviors love for me.
I am also grateful that my mom was texting my entire family (in a group message) in Utah the play-by-play of what happened, and I loved reading back their comments and jokes and worries and questions. It was the next best thing to them being there. Also, I wouldn't have known how fast this all this happened, because it's a big blur now! Anyway, I turned my relaxation MP3 on again on my phone. The whole room could hear it and my mom said she was getting so relaxed! I was not so relaxed anymore though.
My nurse finally told me to come get on the bed and she checked me and announced I was dilated to an 8. AN EIGHT. Yes. Good news, better than I had even expected! My mom texted that news to my family at 9:15 p.m. The nurse wanted to start an IV but she totally blew my vein. This has never happened in my life, nurses love my veins, but maybe she was feeling the pressure of only having 2 minutes between contractions, plus my mom had just announced that Sam and Erin are both RN's, so maybe she felt a little more self conscious with them watching her do it. I flipped back over on to all fours on the bed, and begged Sam to come do counterpressure on my lower back. I couldn't go through transition without this help. The pain felt almost unbearable. We discovered this counterpressure trick with Ellas labor, and it helps immensely. It's not just counter pressure, but by someone totally squeezing my hips closer together and almost changing the shape of my pelvis, and I could get through the contractions a little easier. This is especially true with back labor. The contractions were hurting so bad that I could not remember to breathe or count or think of my relaxation stuff. However, at some point, I remember telling everyone, with glee, "Call the midwife!" and only I got my joke because I like that show on Netflix.
Now that Erin was also there to help, they doubled up on me, with Sam pushing as hard as he could on one side and Erin on the other. I was feeling a little crazy from the pain of contractions, I did NOT remember it being this bad with Ella's birth, however this counter pressure was making a significant difference. I know because at one point I thought the contraction was over and told them they could let up, but as soon as they let go, the pain took my breath away, and I begged them to come back for 15-20 more seconds. So it really really helped. I wondered how long I would have to go through this though. Another hour? Two? Three? Luckily I had 2 minute breaks in-between them and could smile about something, who knows what it was here. Maybe my "call the midwife" joke.
So I had the monitors on my belly, and his heartrate was still great, no distress. An on-call doctor popped in and checked me around at 9:25 and I was STILL an 8. That's when my heart dropped a little and I lost heart, and said, I need the epidural! My midwife Tiffany was there by then, and she looked at me like I was so silly, like LOL, Heather! Just that there was no way it was happening when my contractions were two minutes apart, and we both knew I could and would do it without. So, by this point, I had resorted back to smashing my face into the bed and groaning and yelling through the contractions. I remember yelling to everyone, "I want to swear!" and someone told me I could go right ahead. But at the next contraction I maintained enough self-control and just yelled Oh Shiiizzzzzzzzz! (and more groans). I asked if my friend Kathy was there, she was my photographer, there to capture my last birth, which was going to be just as dramatic and emotional as I could have possibly hoped. I heard her say "I'm here!" And i was so glad she'd made it in time, but I hadn't seen her come in, smashing into the bed and all. I knew I wasn't supposed to push til I was a 10, so I was surprised when suddenly I felt the urge to push,and I announced it to the whole room (it was now 9:32). AT that point it's pretty hard NOT to push- so I just started pushing, with Sam and Erin still on each side doing counterpressure like crazy. They told me they were pushing with all their might. The next thing I remember was the POP and SPLASH....my water broke and out came a ton of meconium in that precious water, that I had been trying so hard to keep up to a safe level for the last few weeks. I could not believe how much meconium I saw, and immediately felt quite worried, because why on earth was he in distress? His heart rate was still perfect. I was not even registering that I was still in my clothes. I had worn a skirt in so it wasn't a problem that I hadn't changed. I still had my shoes on. Anyway, immediately came more urges to push, so I just smashed my face into the bed. The midwife told Sam to wash his hands and get ready, and Erin called my mother-in-law over to take his place with counter pressure. A neonatologist was called in for the delivery, that's standard when meconium is seen in the amniotic fluid. The midwife then suggested that I lean up a bit higher on the back of the bed instead of down on all fours. The bed was raised to about a 60 degree angle. I did that, and the gravity really must have done the trick because he was born very soon after I moved up. It felt like one long push after that. I pushed once, twice, felt the baby moving, and wowee, it started burning so bad down there, I thought I must have had that baby halfway out, but then I heard Sam say, 'You're crowning!" (only crowning?) So I took a big breath and pushed as hard as I could, heard some comments about the head, then another push and then the midwife told me to stop for a second. My face was still in the bed, so I didn't know what was going on, but after seeing the pictures, I know the head was out and the neonatologist suctioned him. Then Tiffany told me to give one more final push, I took a huge breath and pushed and he plopped right out. And OH WHAT A GREAT RELIEF! I did it! I yelled it out to the whole room two or three times: I DID IT! For sure there was one point where I had cried, like so many women do, "I can't do it!" But we can and I did. He was out and I had completed the hardest thing I've ever had to do. (Ella's birth was very similar but just didn't hurt quite as bad. Probably because of the back labor. I think Luke turned while Erin and Sam were doing the counterpressure. He came out perfectly face down, as he was supposed to. Well, Technically face up, since I wasn't on my back. And P.S. It is actually better for your hips to deliver this way than on your back. I had hip pain for months after delivering Ella on my back). It was 9:51 p.m. I didn't hear any crying, and they let Sam cut the cord real quick, and they took him right over to the warmer, where everyone crowded around him, and I still hadn't seen him, basically having given birth blind. My mom texted the family- Tara wanted a picture, Krystal wanted to know how his coloring was, and my dad suggested we name him William Wallace, for all the "sons of Scotland", lol. My dad is the best. My brothers celebrated too, and I think I will let the pictures tell the rest of the story.
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| I just love what's happening in this picture. Erin using all her strength to give me a little relief. Sam in the background washing his hands and getting ready to get gloves on. Me thinking I just could not take much more of this. |
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| I love the look on the nurses and my mom in the background. And I guess my mom took a pic from that angle but I think it's been deleted. I never saw it. |
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| Sam said the baby plopped out too fast for him to "catch him" but this picture proves he at least got some hands on him for a second. |
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| Here he comes, covered in meconium. It looks like he was passed right over to the Neonatologist. |
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| I never saw these instruments. Ever. |
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| I didn't end up using these once I got to the hospital, things went too fast for me once I got in the room, but I diffused Frankincense the whole time I stayed in the hospital after the birth, and all the nurses loved coming into our room and always commented on how good it smelled. |
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This is my I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF face! Also, I was so incredibly thirsty and was so glad they were letting me drink (I was also famished, and food was being brought up.)
All the attention turned to the baby in the warmer. They told me later his oxygen saturation was only 65% when he started breathing on his own. (His apgar scores were 8 and 9 though, with points taken off only because he was quite pale.) I would hear an occasional tiny cry and it sounded like a little kitten. They suctioned him some more with a catheter and blew some oxygen near his face for awhile while everyone looked on.
In the meantime, the midwife helped me deliver the placenta. We looked it over real good- the doctor had wondered if the placenta was struggling to keep the amniotic fluid levels up. The midwife sent the placenta off to pathology to see if we could learn anything, but it looked normal.
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| This was all I could see from the bed. I was dying to see my baby boy! |
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| Luckily his daddy was with him, and held his hand. |
At 10:10 p.m., his oxygen saturation was up into the 90's, so they weighed him (7 lbs 9 oz) and measured him: 20.5 inches long. My smallest baby ever!
and then FINALLY I got to meet him.
I really felt so grateful that Tiffany was there to support me in my VBAC dreams and deliver my baby in a less-than-conventional way. I felt so much love for her. I said goodbye to her, and then hello to my son.
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| The magic moment when I finally FINALLY got to hold my baby. Those 21 minutes of waiting felt like forever. I love the look on his face when he saw me for the first time too. He looks kind of excited too I think. |
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| His oxygen climbed right up to 100% once he was laid on my chest. It's amazing how that happens. |
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And then I cried. So much stress and worry was now replaced with that overwhelming bundle of emotions: Joy, Love, and Gratitude. |
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| Props to my birthing TEAM! They each contributed to my birthing experience and I was so glad every one of them was there. Look how happy we all are. |
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| Great-grandma Ruth on one phone and Grandpa Perie on the other- I was letting them hear his tiny kitten cry. |
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| It's always such a wonderful relief to see ten little toes and ten fingers- and those tiny fingernails! I love them so much! |
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| About an hour after his birth, the adrenaline caught up to me. I started shaking and shivering like crazy. They brought me several warm blankets and covered me. Also, a sandwich and chips and yogurt and apple juice, which I devoured, while everyone took turns holding the baby. |
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| His dream of having a son- finally come true. |
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| I'm so glad my mom was able to be there for four out of five births, which is awesome considering I've never given birth in Utah. |
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I love this moment my mom shared with Samuel. I didn't see it happen, but it was caught by Kathy. I'm so grateful she was there, and I have these pictures to show me lots of things I would have missed!
There are a couple pictures of Luke nursing that I left off, for modesty's sake, but he latched right on like a total champ, and nursed for at least 30 minutes. This was rad because I didn't want him born too early and to struggle to latch and suck. I was so happy about this. He proved to be my best nurser and caused me almost no nipple pain, ever. Can you even believe it? The after-birth contractions never bothered me that much either. The hardest part of recovery was that every muscle in my back was sore, especially my lower back, which had some light bruising on it, and the back pain stayed for several days. Nothing a little ibuprofen can't handle.
Well as for the recovery, it was awesome. I got up and went to the bathroom within an hour of giving birth. I was up and moving around just fine after that, and was moved to the postpartem room. That night Sam slept in the room with me, and didn't hear the baby fussing. I was kind of jealous of all the sleep he got, although I'm sure he wasn't that comfortable. I was totally wired and couldn't fall asleep. I probably got about 60 minutes of sleep that first night,. The second night was even worse, as the tiredness caught up to me, and the fussiness caught up to Luke. He cried and cried, and that's how the night nurse ended up hearing how unusual his cry was. She asked me if it would be okay to take him to their NICU. It wasn't a full-blown NICU, but their version of it, called the special care unit. That was hard because they ended up keeping him there and then later transferred him to St. Joe's NICU. More on that later!
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Now that Erin was also there to help, they doubled up on me, with Sam pushing as hard as he could on one side and Erin on the other. I was feeling a little crazy from the pain of contractions, I did NOT remember it being this bad with Ella's birth, however this counter pressure was making a significant difference. I know because at one point I thought the contraction was over and told them they could let up, but as soon as they let go, the pain took my breath away, and I begged them to come back for 15-20 more seconds. So it really really helped. I wondered how long I would have to go through this though. Another hour? Two? Three? Luckily I had 2 minute breaks in-between them and could smile about something, who knows what it was here. Maybe my "call the midwife" joke. 
So I had the monitors on my belly, and his heartrate was still great, no distress. An on-call doctor popped in and checked me around at 9:25 and I was STILL an 8. That's when my heart dropped a little and I lost heart, and said, I need the epidural! My midwife Tiffany was there by then, and she looked at me like I was so silly, like LOL, Heather! Just that there was no way it was happening when my contractions were two minutes apart, and we both knew I could and would do it without. So, by this point, I had resorted back to smashing my face into the bed and groaning and yelling through the contractions. I remember yelling to everyone, "I want to swear!" and someone told me I could go right ahead. But at the next contraction I maintained enough self-control and just yelled Oh Shiiizzzzzzzzz! (and more groans). I asked if my friend Kathy was there, she was my photographer, there to capture my last birth, which was going to be just as dramatic and emotional as I could have possibly hoped. I heard her say "I'm here!" And i was so glad she'd made it in time, but I hadn't seen her come in, smashing into the bed and all. I knew I wasn't supposed to push til I was a 10, so I was surprised when suddenly I felt the urge to push,and I announced it to the whole room (it was now 9:32). AT that point it's pretty hard NOT to push- so I just started pushing, with Sam and Erin still on each side doing counterpressure like crazy. They told me they were pushing with all their might. The next thing I remember was the POP and SPLASH....my water broke and out came a ton of meconium in that precious water, that I had been trying so hard to keep up to a safe level for the last few weeks. I could not believe how much meconium I saw, and immediately felt quite worried, because why on earth was he in distress? His heart rate was still perfect. I was not even registering that I was still in my clothes. I had worn a skirt in so it wasn't a problem that I hadn't changed. I still had my shoes on. Anyway, immediately came more urges to push, so I just smashed my face into the bed. The midwife told Sam to wash his hands and get ready, and Erin called my mother-in-law over to take his place with counter pressure. A neonatologist was called in for the delivery, that's standard when meconium is seen in the amniotic fluid. The midwife then suggested that I lean up a bit higher on the back of the bed instead of down on all fours. The bed was raised to about a 60 degree angle. I did that, and the gravity really must have done the trick because he was born very soon after I moved up. It felt like one long push after that. I pushed once, twice, felt the baby moving, and wowee, it started burning so bad down there, I thought I must have had that baby halfway out, but then I heard Sam say, 'You're crowning!" (only crowning?) So I took a big breath and pushed as hard as I could, heard some comments about the head, then another push and then the midwife told me to stop for a second. My face was still in the bed, so I didn't know what was going on, but after seeing the pictures, I know the head was out and the neonatologist suctioned him. Then Tiffany told me to give one more final push, I took a huge breath and pushed and he plopped right out. And OH WHAT A GREAT RELIEF! I did it! I yelled it out to the whole room two or three times: I DID IT! For sure there was one point where I had cried, like so many women do, "I can't do it!" But we can and I did. He was out and I had completed the hardest thing I've ever had to do. (Ella's birth was very similar but just didn't hurt quite as bad. Probably because of the back labor. I think Luke turned while Erin and Sam were doing the counterpressure. He came out perfectly face down, as he was supposed to. Well, Technically face up, since I wasn't on my back. And P.S. It is actually better for your hips to deliver this way than on your back. I had hip pain for months after delivering Ella on my back). It was 9:51 p.m. I didn't hear any crying, and they let Sam cut the cord real quick, and they took him right over to the warmer, where everyone crowded around him, and I still hadn't seen him, basically having given birth blind. My mom texted the family- Tara wanted a picture, Krystal wanted to know how his coloring was, and my dad suggested we name him William Wallace, for all the "sons of Scotland", lol. My dad is the best. My brothers celebrated too, and I think I will let the pictures tell the rest of the story.
